Individual Therapy
Truth only matters if it is shared. When we keep the good stuff to ourselves, loneliness appears.
We were never meant to walk in this world alone, but we do until we don’t, and then we do again.
One-on-one therapy is about one thing - private matters. Those matters matter most. What happens deep inside you is subtle, complex, and continually shifting. Privacy and personal states show up variably. Alan Westin identified four privacy states in his fantastic book “Privacy and Freedom,” including solitude, anonymity, reserve, and intimacy. That’s a continuum worth exploring.
Put briefly:
Solitude is a choice, a well-informed decision to be alone. It is a deep state of privacy motivated by a need for separation or disengagement from others. In solitude, people find safety and regain a sense of freedom.
Anonymity is the experience of being around others but remaining unnoticed, unknown, and unrecognized. In moderation, anonymity is refreshing and kindles observational keenness. Too much of it, insecurities along with unwanted emotional truths awaken.
Reserve is a strategy best used when social outcomes are uncertain. Mindfully revealing only pieces of who we are, what we think, and how we feel keeps options open. By remaining reserved and not drawing attention to yourself, you can slip away, act interested, or daydream to your heart’s delight at any time.
Intimacy is the ultimate prize for being appropriately vulnerable around people you trust with your most private affairs. A profound sense that you matter is conveyed and believed when intimately connected. Consequently, intimacy is worth fighting for!
How do you measure up along this spectrum of private matters?
Your sense of self is partly subjective, partly circumstantial, the sum of a complicated equation balancing attachment history, reflective experiences, learning opportunities, birth order, life predicaments, identity challenges, feedback, and occurrences of fortune and misfortune. Therefore, The shaping of self vastly depends on those closest to you and how they respond during times of need. You want significant others in your life to “get you.” You want them to promote your goals, aspirations, and dreams, not inhibit or distract you from your pursuit. You want them to remind you that you matter, not leave you with self-doubt, feeling isolated and misunderstood, or guessing.
When relational situations go off-track, you feel most vulnerable and experience significant confusion and emotional darkness. When interactions leave you feeling rejected, excluded, or devalued, you frequently end up in the same place – alone, dazed, and confused. During such times, you must ask, “What’s wrong with me?” When the answer is unbecoming, and the feeling of aloneness takes over, the end state is loneliness.
Based on the principles of Relationship Intelligence (r.IQ), a treatment model created by Dr. Zierk designed to turn conflict into connection, loneliness is a state of mind constructed by past experiences of neglect, being left out, put down, overlooked, or otherwise misunderstood and mistreated. The presence of a corrective person-to-person experience sways the opportunity to bounce back from loneliness. The twist associated with this vital process is you must be willing to take chances. Further, when relational risks are taken, things can go from bad to worse before they get better. The key to moving forward is creating options and being willing to be vulnerable, honest, accurate, and access your authentic self while being held accountable. Dr. Zierk refers to this as learning the power of Valuable Selfhood.
Dr. Zierk’s intervention model is called Relationship Intelligence (r.IQ) and involves integrating interpersonal neurobiology and relational-cultural theory against the landscape of attachment theory while being grounded in cognitive-behavioral psychology. The result is a profoundly personal experience that promotes the opportunity for the person to get out from behind their learning history, intimately understand their private experience, challenge and revise their mental maps of themselves, their world, and their future, and become better prepared to tackle challenging situations so to experience the sparkle that comes with feeling alive and in charge.
In a nutshell, the experience of being in control of your life rather than your life controlling you is the primal shift we are devoted to helping you achieve. Doing so allows you to learn how to “turn conflict into connection,” which makes loneliness disappear. Sounds impressive, right?
Learn more about Relationship Intelligence by visiting our website.
Press the button below to learn more about how your mind works as described in Dr. Zierk’s book, Mind Rules: Who’s in Control, You or Your Mind?