Attachment Style Quiz
How do you feel about yourself?
How about others? What do they think of you?
Connecting with important people in your life creates your sense of self while shaping your worldview and how you interact with your surroundings. You heard that right. Beyond your genetic gifts, much of who you become is influenced by those around you.
For better or worse, these vital attachments you experienced throughout your upbringing and relationship history shape your relationship with yourself and how you attach to others.
Reflecting on the questions below, being honest is more important than right. Oh, and have fun taking the quiz.
Attachment Style Quiz
1. Based on past experiences, which of the following is MOST true of you?
A) I easily develop mutual emotional ties to others.
B) I tend to put less energy into relationships because they interfere with my needs.
C) I cling to my relationships as if my life depended on them, and I do not let go, even if they hurt me.
D) I tend to avoid opening up to relationships. If I do let someone in, I put a lot of weight on that relationship to meet my needs.
2. Looking back over your relationships, which of the following BEST describes you?
A) I have usually trusted that I could meet my relationship needs and acted accordingly.
B) I have typically avoided relationships because others are not worth dealing with.
C) I have tended to suffer internally rather than risk rejection because I stood up for myself.
D) I have tended to refrain from expressing my needs and have found that others are typically not good at understanding/meeting my needs.
3. When you think about your family of origin, childhood relationships, and adolescent relationships, which of the following is MOST true?
A) I felt that others understood my needs and that they mattered to others.
B) I was the best person to understand my needs, so I tended to rely on myself and not need others.
C) I tended to focus on pleasing others and minimizing conflict in meaningful relationships.
D) I usually did not let others in, but I was easily hurt by those who did get close to me.
4. If you are being honest with yourself, which of the following is closest to how you feel?
A) I generally have a positive view of myself and other people.
B) I view myself as positive but tend to view others less highly.
C) I view others highly but tend to see myself less positively than others.
D) I tend to struggle to feel good about myself and tend to view others in a negative light.
5. Regarding opening up in relationships, which BEST describes how you feel?
A) I can generally share my private self with others and feel it will be well-received.
B) I am not inclined to open up to others because they likely won’t be able to give me what I need.
C) I fear that sharing my private self is too risky and may lead to others rejecting me.
D) I tend not to open up to others and put a great deal of weight/pressure on relationships where I have been open.
6. Which of the following BEST describes how you feel about trust in relationships?
A) While not always easy, I can trust others, and they can trust me.
B) I often do not trust others to have the ability to understand or meet my needs as well as I can.
C) I struggle to trust others to feel my needs are important and I would be too much of a burden.
D) I tend to feel that others cannot be trusted with my needs and that my needs are too much for others to handle.
SCORING: Write down the number of answers you marked for each letter.
A’s B’s C’s D’s
Determine which attachment style is most like you based on your highest scores.
Secure Attachment Style
If more A’s appear than any other letter, you have a secure attachment style. You generally maintain a positive view of both yourself and others. While life isn’t always easy, you tend to feel basic trust and confidence in interpersonal relationships. This makes relationships feel like an avenue to get needs met mutually, and challenges in relationships are met with a tendency to believe that problems between you can be worked out. You seek to know what others are thinking and feeling while investing in letting others know what you think and feel.
Dismissive + Avoidant Attachment Style
If your top score is a B, you have a dismissive and avoidant attachment style. You tend to have a positive view of self and a negative view of others. You see yourself as worthy and deserving of love but feel that others are not worth trusting. You often think you can love, but potential partners must be more trustworthy, supportive, and likely to disappoint you. Given that you are fearful to open up and be vulnerable with others, you become very avoidant of intimate relationships. You may be overly independent, claim that you don’t need others, and act as though relationships are not your priority. You protect yourself against disappointment by avoiding close relationships and maintaining independence and invulnerability. By avoiding relationships, you don’t get hurt or disappointed.
Preoccupied + Anxious Attachment Style
If more C’s appear than any other letter, you have a preoccupied and anxious attachment style. You have a negative view of self and a positive view of others. You see others as better than you and go above and beyond to keep people in your life. You often feel that people don’t care about you as much as you care about them and feel unworthy in relationships. You may be described as a people pleaser, trying to avoid conflict and keep those around you happy. You tend toward an over-involvement in close relationships, a dependence on other people’s acceptance for a sense of personal well-being, a tendency to idealize other people, and incoherence and exaggerated emotionality in discussing relationships.
Fearful + Avoidant Attachment Style
When D’s are your highest score, you have a fearful and avoidant attachment style. You have a negative view of both yourself and others. You tend to view yourself as unworthy and undeserving of love, and you also believe others are likely to hurt you if you let them get close to you. This results in a hesitance to form attachments. However, due to your negative self-regard, you rely on others to maintain a positive view of yourself. This need for approval often makes you dependent on a relationship even though you are initially very reluctant to get attached. Unlike preoccupied individuals, you are less likely to pursue attachment and make bids for affection because you anticipate rejection when you try.
Your mind is not relational. That’s right, it is not designed to bring people together. But your connections to others are vital to your well-being and shape your sense of self. The question is, “Are you in control of your mind, or is it controlling you?”
Press the button below to learn more about how your mind works as described in Dr. Zierk’s book, Mind Rules: Who’s in Control, You or Your Mind?