Like Minds
Not everything is obvious to everyone.
Even people of like minds disconnect. How’s that possible? What’s going on when this happens?
When a person has a clear thought, what they’re thinking is obvious to them—crystal clear, actually. Then, the clarity of their thought process strengthens their conviction. In turn, they become more certain that they are right, which makes the other person wrong. While being right feels, well, “right,” it frequently creates friction and causes people to disconnect.
This is where things get sticky in relationships.
Consider two people, Susan and Jacqueline, passing the day and enjoying their friendly chatter with each other. So good so far. Typically, both friends can take a good ribbing from time to time, and, relying upon their stockpile of inside jokes they share, their friendship is sturdy and seems bulletproof. Yet, like all relationships, disconnections can happen out of nowhere for no apparent reason.
For example, when Susan tilts their head in response to one of Jacqueline’s comments, stillness intrudes the space between them. Believing that Susan doesn’t fully understand her position, Jacqueline strengthens her advocacy by amping her volume, tensing her tone, and sending the non-verbal message, “What’s wrong with you? I know you’re not that stupid!” Or, at least, that’s what Susan heard in Jacqueline’s steely gaze.
Do you see it? Even a tilt of a head can cause disconnections and make people insecure.
When things are clicking, Susan and Jacqueline are like-minded. They enjoy an effortless connection. They share a lot in common. To many, they’re often mistaken as sisters. They are known to complete each other’s thoughts frequently. Being like-minded is a magic glue that keeps Susan and Jacqueline bonded.
With so much in common, Susan and Jacqueline’s minds work together to elevate their friendship and strengthen their attachment bond. However, even like-minded people like these two sister-friends are sensitive to judgment.
Beyond having things in common, the experience of like minds is the foundation upon which a robust relationship is constructed. When two people enjoy like minds, they enjoy having a “square one” between them. This concept of square one reflects the unspoken tethering of two people, and when conflict arises, it is a safe place to return and deal relationally with the situation.
The problem in the innocent interaction between Susan and Jacqueline was that their two minds were no longer thinking alike, hence the tension between them.
Having “like minds” happens when people effortlessly share the same opinion, passion, or priority. This experience is a type of mental twinship. Where your mind ends and mine begins is the foundation of a trusted connection. But when the gap between two minds becomes obvious, it’s essential that one or both give voice to the disconnection and less focus on what caused it.
Like minds facilitate happiness. The more you get me and remind me that I matter, and I reciprocate, the more quickly we can deal with whatever gets thrown at us. Having minds alike is a learned skill that turns conflicts into connections so that people can live happily ever after.
The trick is learning to read minds, both yours and others.
Learning the lessons conflict has been trying to teach you is precisely what Relationship Intelligence (r.IQ) is all about!
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Press the button below to learn more about how your mind works as described in Dr. Zierk’s book, Mind Rules: Who’s in Control, You or Your Mind?