David W. Zierk, PsyD

Negativity gets us every time.

Why are we drawn to the black dot? Perhaps trickier; how do we stop seeing it?

Yes, the attractive woman with flirty looks catches our eye. But that black dot—what is it about the color black? Once it grabs our attention, it owns us. Negativity is so, well, captivating.

In Mind Rules: Who's In Control—You or Your Mind? Dr. Zierk states that the mind’s favorite color is black. He explains that the mind is highly sensitive to negativity and keenly detects hints of danger and threat.

There’s our answer. This explains it. It’s evolution. We are drawn to negativity to keep us alive. Black signals danger, so we perceive it immediately and react just as fast. If black were just another color, our chances of seeing another day would be lowered. This is a good thing.

But the plot thickens.

The Psychology of Negativity

Your inner world is a merry-go-round of odds and ends. You have emotions, thoughts, more thoughts, memories, fantasies, hopes, desires, worries, and still more thoughts. When your thinking becomes saturated with unwanted and unpleasant musings, life takes a turn for the worse. How do we turn down the negativity? Is this even possible, or do we need to knuckle down and grind away until we knock ourselves out? Is negativity something we must endure, or is there something we can do?

Once negativity infiltrates our soul, you might think that your chances of living happily ever after have passed you by. Case in point, looking at the black dot in the picture above, we forget about the woman’s flirtiness. We must be doomed!

But there’s hope. Lots of it. Let’s begin by understanding your inner world step by step.

Stepping Back into Happy

Your mind is complex and puzzling. To gain control over its habits, it must be provoked but playfully. This can be done by understanding the interplay of words, thoughts, emotions, and actions.

First step: words frame thoughts.

You must find the words describing your thinking when you share a thought. This is much harder than it sounds. Why? Because no words fully capture what is going on inside you. Consider the expression, “A picture tells a thousand words.” We all know this is true. It follows that you need a billion words to describe what’s happening in the depths of your mental universe, especially when your world gets rocked. Even then, I’m not convinced I would know what you know about your inner life. Even so, words work well enough when chosen sensitively.

The bottom line is to stay curious about the mental world, find words that match and share with someone you trust. Their reflections help you dig deeper, gain perspective, and make sense, at least partially, of your never-never land.

Second step: Thoughts explain emotions. Humans have the amazing capacity to think abstractly, concretely, impulsively, and thoughtfully. Our thinking can reflect something earth-shattering, such as the cure for cancer, or more subtle but just as important, including what you’d like for dinner.

Your thinking allows you to make sense of the world around you. It can just as easily reflect wisdom as it can steer you in the wrong direction. Your life experiences enrich your noodling, creating a reality map. Your thinking influences your quality of life by moving you toward surviving, living, and flourishing.

Using your thoughts to explain your feelings introduces a new dimension to your lived experience. Emotions are like colors; they place what happens to you on a scale that helps you understand what’s good, bad, and everything in between. If asked how you’re feeling, you might answer, “Fine” or “Not bad.” If you were provided a selection of colors to choose from, such as red, blue, yellow, and black, and asked the same question, your answer would be more interesting and truthful. Emotions are more than just useful, they’re vital for a life worth living. Thinking about your feelings is a good step in the right direction.

Third step: Emotions give life depth and color. As discussed above, emotions add depth and meaning to your life. It’s common to divide emotions in half by saying they’re either positive or negative. When harnessed, it is emotions that motivate. When let loose to run wild, emotions create chaos within and wreak havoc with others.

Understanding that emotions give your life depth and color, it’s good counsel to be aware of your emotions and name them, so you can control them. If you don’t, no doubt they will control you.

Final step: Actions make words, thoughts, and emotions come alive. Now that we’ve covered the bases of words frame thoughts, thoughts explain emotions, emotions give life depth and color, it’s time to take action. What you do makes your world go round. Choose wisely, and your world rotates clockwise as it should. Choose poorly, and the counterclockwise motion of your life will take its toll on you and those around you.

Since a picture is worth a thousand words, here’s what the “stepping back into happiness” process looks like.

Summing Up and Moving On

Understanding your inner world is challenging because of its complexities. Many things have happened to you, some good and some you’d rather not revisit. Further, the hand you were dealt gave you your parents, family members, and, lest we not forget, your genetic makeup. The biology of you determined your givens, such as height, body type, hair color, and your giftedness.

Mixed together, the hand you were dealt and your luck along the way produced you. Fortunately, you do possess free will. While you may not have been encouraged to speak your mind or express your emotions during your developmental years, today is a new day. Here’s the plan: select words compassionately that mirror your thoughts, use your thinking to ponder and share your emotions, give yourself permission to be emotional, not recklessly but truthfully, and take action that serves you well.

Remember, your mind’s favorite color is black. So, this is where your challenge begins. Ask yourself, “Who’s in control – you or your mind?”

Press the button below to learn more about how your mind works as described in Dr. Zierk’s book, Mind Rules: Who’s in Control, You or Your Mind?