Why is conflict good?
No pain, no gain.
The saying “no pain, no gain” should be the official slogan for conflict management.
When life goes according to plan, it’s easy to feel satisfied and balanced, even happy. By contrast, when life goes off course, and you experience the unexpected, your mood rapidly shifts, thoughts become hostile, and the future appears less promising. During such challenging moments, you’ll feel confused, disconnected, and out of balance.
You’re also much more likely to overreact!
Nobody in their right mind looks forward to conflict. Embracing this essential truth explains why most people avoid conflict at all costs. During tense interactions, the interpersonal space becomes filled with heavy gravity, high vacuum, ionizing solar ultraviolet radiation, and extreme temperatures—at least, that’s how it feels.
It’s no wonder most people walk away, downplay, disregard, turn the other cheek, placate, offer empty apologies, or run for the hills when conflict arises. Others act on their aggressive defensiveness by counterattacking, often showing up in the form of blowing an emotional fuse, blurting out hostile comments, or becoming unusually mean and controlling.
During times of conflict, your unmet need fuels the experience of emotional distress and psychological turmoil. Initially, you might become disoriented and deskilled. One client said it perfectly when she shared, “When the fighting starts between me and my husband, I just feel numb and dumb.”
With eyes wide open, you’ll notice the experience of disconnection conveys you have entered a state of conflict. What makes such moments so challenging is how you handle conflict, greatly influenced by the life lessons you learned when you weren’t aware you were being taught. By examining these life lessons, identifying your needs, and developing savvy interpersonal skills, you’ll gain relational mastery and become better prepared to regain balance and increase your life satisfaction. Doing so will teach you how to “turn conflict into connection.”
Learning the lessons conflict has been trying to teach you is precisely what Relationship Intelligence (r.IQ) is all about!
To learn more about Relationship Intelligence, visit our website.
Press the button below to learn more about how your mind works as described in Dr. Zierk’s book, Mind Rules: Who’s in Control, You or Your Mind?