David W. Zierk, PsyD

Trauma is about secrecy.

When the worst things happen to you, it makes perfect sense to keep them to yourself. The hitch is that traumatic memories have their own life and tend to show up without notice or permission. Accordingly, no matter how much you try, like ghosts in the closet, the abrasions to your soul emerge without much warning.

Two specific mind rules come into play when reflecting on how your mind handles memories. The first mind rule explains the wavering nature of memories. Namely, your mind only remembers what it can’t forget. Your best and worst experiences are stored securely, although not always accurately. The simple math problem of 1 + 1 equals 2 exemplifies what you’ve learned and will never forget. The second mind rule reveals the shaping influence of traumatic memories. This rule states your mind can’t forget what it doesn’t want to remember. Stated another way, memories with intense emotional significance are remembered more vividly and easily retrieved.

Life can get scary sometimes, especially when you experience something traumatic, namely an unexpected, unwanted, and undeserved event that causes emotional upheaval and leaves you feeling disoriented. Such extreme distress is difficult for your mind to interpret and manage in real-time. The psychological impact felt is as deep as any possible human encounter, as the experiences send shockwaves to your nervous system and sear dreadfulness into your memory banks.

Combined, these mind rules explain flashbacks.

A sudden, intense, and unwantedly clear recollection of a striking scene in which you were the unsuspecting main character is the experience of having a flashback. Intrusive and distressing are its core features. Whether in your sleep or with your eyes wide open, a flashback is emotion-packed and grabs your attention without your permission.

A flashback can be exceptionally clear, hauntingly fuzzy, or seriously flawed. Either way, this experience grips you and forces you to revisit a time not worth revisiting. Ranging from awful to shocking to harrowing, trauma-informed flashbacks are an essential piece of the post-traumatic stress disorder diagnostic picture.

While revisiting trauma in a therapeutic setting has become empirically supported, no treatment benefits all people. To this end, what must be embraced is that some trauma victims knowingly refuse to face their fears, cannot tolerate structured exposure, or do not benefit from reliving their psychic trauma. In such cases, using a relational approach may be the vehicle by which trauma victims gain emotional understanding and social support while learning how to cope with the unsolvability of trauma.

Trauma is something that happens that never unhappens. Perhaps it was a trick played by the Gods above, like riding a bike or witnessing a horrific accident; some memories gain permanent resident status in our neural infrastructure. When memories have no apparent value, the reflex is to stuff them down, pack them away, or somehow minimize their impact on our day-to-day lives.

Because your mind does what it is designed to do, sometimes you’ll find yourself doing some things over and over even when they don’t make sense, don’t produce great results, and don’t make you happier.

We call such situations mind traps! They occur when your mind controls you rather than you being in control of your mind, and things don’t end well. In other words, you’re “trapped” when your mind's programming overrides your best interests and preferences.

If you find yourself trapped by an unwanted past and remain curious about finding healthy ways to temper its impact on you, finding a trauma-informed therapist would be a significant first step. To prepare you to benefit from your therapeutic journey, consider reading Dr. Zierk’s book Mind Rules: Who’s In Control, You or Your Mind? It might help you begin the process of gaining the upper hand on your trauma.

Press the button below to learn more about how your mind works as described in Dr. Zierk’s book, Mind Rules: Who’s in Control, You or Your Mind?