David W. Zierk, PsyD

Everybody knows you can’t be in two places at the same time but most people don’t know that we often are.

The concept of time is essential to the quality of connection. This connection applies to how well you are tuned into your inner world and linked to those around you. In this way, you can be impressively connected or dauntingly disconnected from your thoughts and feelings and those of others.

The key to improving your connections is learning how to split time.

Splitting Time

When reflected upon, time can be split in two ways. First, time involves your awareness of what’s happening at the moment. As seconds tick by, awareness of your actions or inactions comes and goes. The nurturing mother responds at a crucial moment to her infant’s crying. Her instincts provide her with a sense of timing and instruct her when to take action and when to wait, watch, and wonder.

Focusing your awareness on what’s happening in you here and now is popularly known as mindfulness. You are engaged in the moment as you tune your senses to what you’re touching, feeling, hearing, or seeing. When your breathing becomes your focal point, you are at the point of time known as “now.” When you focus on what is happening in your body or may be happening in another person’s mind, your engagement is active in real-time. Paradoxically, this moment-by-moment consciousness allows your mind to disconnect from the passage of time as you attend to what’s important at the time.

Be patient. It takes practice to be adeptly aware of your inner workings and those of others. Please know, however, that being “in the moment” pays dividends, so keep practicing.

The second notion of time is reflected by what you’re doing across time. This focus on duration involves a different mindset. Recalling the mother and child mentioned above, if she constantly attends to her child, time loses meaning. Also, her job becomes overwhelming, and her child doesn’t learn to satisfy his own needs. When duration is honored, the child remains aware his mother is present over time, not all the time.

You are no longer fully present when your attention shifts to then and there, whether attending to the past, future, or both. Instead, your mind has switched to a time that is already gone or yet to happen. The process of reflecting on times gone by can be informative and instructive. Analyzing something that happened or planning for something yet to occur provides valuable perspectives. Seeing the big picture by loosening your grip on details allows you to thread the past, present, and future into a seamless tapestry. Instead of losing track of time as you did when you focused on the moment, shifting your attention to the duration allows you to appreciate what’s happening over time.

Of course, too much reflection can be counterproductive. In psychology, the experience of remaining attached to your repeating thoughts that are unproductive is known as perseveration. Stated another way, the habit of replaying a past event or being unable to let go of unwanted emotions is called dwelling. As in, “The young boy couldn’t focus on the test because his thoughts continued to dwell on what happened last night between his mother and father.”

You are being productive when you think about something to gain objectivity and disentangle yourself from your thoughts and feelings. Give yourself a pat on the back; you are ruminating. When your thinking identifies patterns and looks for options, you’re working in your best interests. This process of pondering is also referred to as “thoughtful thinking.”

Time Zones

The process of separating time into moments and duration results in what are called time zones. Knowing your time zone and the people around you can make all the difference.

For instance, your body may be present in your own space, but your mind has floated away. As a result, your mind and body have split, and you are in two different time zones. Knowing you’re in competing time zones may explain your sense of anxiety, dreaded thoughts, or a general feeling of restlessness. Converging your time zones will likely put you back in control of your situation and state of mind.

Time zones are more richly explained when considering the difference between “going” someplace and “being” at some place. In the example above, while your body was “being,” your mind was “going.” Another example is the Johnson family, who packed their car for vacation. Everyone is loaded up, traveling for hours to reach their destination. The Johnsons’ vacation doesn’t start until they arrive at the beach resort. Routinely, they initiate “being” on vacation when stepping in the sand. By contrast, the Smiths do things a bit differently. Their tradition is to focus on “being” on vacation the moment their car turns out of their driveway. While the Smiths are technically “going” to the same beach resort as the Johnsons, their collective mindset of “being” on vacation gives them a boost to enjoy the journey while keeping in mind their destination.

The Johnsons and Smiths start their vacations in two different time zones. Take your pick. Which family would you rather ride along with? Which time zone do you prefer?

Here’s another example: When considering your connection with your good friend, you may be stressed about what they said yesterday while their focus is on what’s happening now, having completely forgotten about yesterday’s conversation. You and your friend are in two different time zones, which probably explains the tension you feel within and between you and your friend.

Both elements of time have advantages and disadvantages. When combined, they arouse and confirm connections. When practicing shifting time zones, remember that your mind is time blind.

To your mind, the future is as real as the past; in this way, the mind often confuses what has happened with what is happening and what has yet to happen. The mind organizes the past, responds to the present, and prepares for the future so you can know confidently and decisively what to do next. This is an important objective of your mind, which connects and balances time with motion.

So, this is where your challenge begins. Ask yourself, “Who’s in control – you or your mind?”

Press the button below to learn more about how your mind works as described in Dr. Zierk’s book, Mind Rules: Who’s in Control, You or Your Mind?