Uneven Odds
Take chances to even the odds.
Life comprises the hand you were dealt and the luck you had along the way. When you enter adulthood with uneven odds, there may be more twists and turns ahead than you imagined.
Are you living up to your potential? Do you have pleasure, happiness, or joy? Do your relationships enrich you? Do you experience relational warmth and feel like you belong? Are you provided opportunities to shine, exercise your competency, and stand out in ways that make you feel special?
Suppose you mainly answered yes, Bravo! It sounds like you beat the uneven odds. Life has gifted you with attachment security, which shapes your sense of self and worldview into a dynamic, collaborative ensemble. Cooperative by nature, the world around you is the benefactor of your comfortable confidence and, in turn, bestows upon you more reasons to embrace your essence and shine brightly with authenticity.
If your answers were less upbeat, you’d have some work ahead. Your unique gifts were likely not routinely promoted, and your bids for belonging were met with competing messages and mixed reviews. You might have stood out for reasons you didn’t prefer or choose. Were you ignored when you craved attention? When affection was desired, did you get hurt with words or actions? When acknowledgment was deserved, were you dismissed? During moments when applause should have filled the room, did you instead hear the dampening sound of indifference? If you affirmed any of these inquiries, a sense of attachment insecurity likely has been stored deep in your psyche.
Unstable attachments during childhood and throughout your relationship history leave their mark on your sense of self. They distort your worldview and sway how you interact with the outside world. Unsteady connections take root inside and become the primal source of your insecurities.
Since the odds are stacked against most when life's whimseys challenge us, the ultimate question is not “Are you insecure?” but” Are you in control of your insecurities, or do they control you?”
Twisted Fortune
The upside to having early misfortunes is curiously evident when you leave your mind wide open. As odd as this may seem, life’s hardships offer the best opportunity to claim self-advocacy and embrace the perks of creativity. When life is hard but not too hard, you come face to face with life's troubles. During such moments, the possibilities of fulfillment and growth surface as you learn to see what most others may never conceive.
To underscore this puzzling point, the 19th-century German philosopher, Hegel, wrote:
“Something has vital force only when it contains contradiction; it is a measure of this force that the contradiction can be grasped and endured.”
For Hegel, he contends that people cannot presume truths that have not passed the experience test. Let’s put to the test your experiences.
For example, when your mother went to her place of anger, how did you process her critical comments? Did you say to yourself, “Mommy is so angry; I need to do something that calms her down?” Or did you internalize her rage and feel you deserved the unkindness of her words? When she drank “one too many,” and her distance became commonplace, did you feel stressed and emotionally isolated, or did you retreat into an imaginary world where you had control of what you inspired? When your father came home, never knowing what version of him would walk through the door, did you tremble with anticipation or seek safety, telling yourself to approach him later after you deciphered his mood?
The child who chose to calm her mother down is mastering the power of empathy. The child who retreated into her imagination harnesses the power of creative storytelling. To her, escape provides the wellspring of future scriptwriting or penning the next great American novel. The child who distances himself from his father is learning to “read the room,” a soft skill that will pay dividends later in life. Empathy, creativity, and translating non-verbals are superpowers that originate from grasping and enduring contradiction.
Paradoxically, without hardship, claiming ownership of victimhood and entitlement is easier. Yes, you read that correctly. Without misfortune, life slides toward privilege, which bestows many benefits but does not routinely prepare people for life's most significant challenges.
Summing up, when life flows, knowing how to flex is unfamiliar. Conversely, being accustomed to conflict and reconciliation is the basic building block to human adaptation and growth. When uneven odds have afflicted your emotional core, learning how to even the odds helps to answer the endmost question, “What’s the meaning of it all?”
Remember, your mind has little tolerance for uncertainty. So, this is where your challenge begins. Ask yourself, “Who’s In control – you or your mind?”
Press the button below to learn more about how your mind works as described in Dr. Zierk’s book, Mind Rules: Who’s in Control, You or Your Mind?